I care about people a lot. I care about a lot of people. I care a lot about a lot of people.
But I discovered the curse of empathy. Where affections are butterfly wings and even the slightest brush can render it crippled to the point of disabled.
I think for once my limit is being tested. I’m weary to the bones and the shoulders of Atlas are coming back. I want to lock myself in and cut off all contact for a day. No chatting, no texting, no phone calls, no internet, no people. a hermit day. I envy you and it makes me wonder what my life would have been like if I had done the same. Is this why people choose not to let others get close to them? Not share their own personal thoughts and feelings to avoid attachment?
But to live inside a shell like that can’t be forever, you’ll never grow. And so my question is do I now draw a line to protect myself or keep the good fight and keep loving anyways?
If we were created to love one another, why is caring so painful?
It’s been a few hours, you’ve just been hanging there. You’ve been quiet, too quiet. Usually there’s music playing, or your foot steps could be heard. But today, you’re quiet. Your little sister, who doesn’t normally come to greet you because you lock yourself away, decides to see what you’re doing. She assumes you’re taking a nap, or doing some homework quietly. She runs up the stairs, eager to see, but she comes to an immediate halt. You’re not doing your homework, nor taking a nap. Your music isn’t playing and you aren’t walking around. You’re hanging there, completely still, now just like her. At this moment, her whole world shatters. Everything she has ever known, looked up to, loved, is hanging there by a thread. At this moment, her life has been changed forever. At this moment, she wishes she was hanging with you.
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.” No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.” No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.” They will die. Their hearts will break. They will hurt, more than you ever could. They will cry, scream, and break down. They’ll believe it’s all just a dream, praying to wake up. Except, they won’t feel that for a few seconds, or a few days, not weeks, nor months. They will feel that until the day they die. Everyday will be hell. They’ll think of you ever second. They’ll hate themselves for not being able to help or save you. They’ll wish they could die too. They’ll want to give up, just to be with you. They won’t be ever be happy again. They won’t smile. They won’t go back to their daily routine. They’ll die every time they walk past your room, or see a picture of you, or think of a memory with you. They’ll think, but stay quiet. They’ll visit your grave, feeling a knife go through their chest every time. And every morning when they wake up, no matter how long it’s been, they’ll wake up to thinking they’ll see you, only to be let down once again. And every night, they will cry themselves to sleep, because even though they refuse to admit it, know you’re gone forever.
Before you decide to take your life, think of your family, burying you. Yes, your own mother and father are planning your funeral. It’s supposed to be the other way around, but it’s not. They’ll have to call the cops, sign a death certificate, pick out clothing, buy a tomb stone, a casket, pick out flower arrangements, and more; All for their child’s funeral. The morning of your funeral, everyone who loves you is wearing black. Tears are streaming down their face, while their heart is breaking. Everyone who you thought didn’t need you, or didn’t care, are waiting in line to see you. They aren’t waiting in line at a party, or a graduation, or at a wedding reception. They’re waiting to see you, hands folded, lifeless, in a casket.
Before you decide to take your life, think of everyone you will be hurting. Don’t you dare say no one, because absolutely everyone will be affected. Your grandparents, won’t have a grandchild anymore. Your parents, won’t have a child anymore. Your brother or sister, won’t have a sibling anymore. Your pet, won’t have an owner anymore. That person you sit next to in class, won’t feel your presence anymore. Your teacher, won’t have a student anymore. That time your grandparents told you no, will haunt them forever, thinking it is their fault, that you are now dead. That time your parents yelled at you, will haunt them forever, thinking if they didn’t yell at you, you would still be here. That time your sibling said they hated you, will hate themselves, because they believe you would still be alive if they said they loved you instead. Those kids who made you feel bad, will wish they were dead too, because if they just smiled at you instead, you would be here. That teacher that said you didn’t meet her expectations, will feel like a failure, because you would still be here, if she believed in you. Everyone, who has ever been in your presence, will hurt, because if they showed you they cared, you would still be here.
Before you decide to take your life, think. Don’t just think of yourself, think of the consequences for everyone else. No one’s life will be the same again. That person who God made specially for you, won’t have you. That happiness that was waiting for you, will never show again. Before you decide to take your life, realize that you may be ending your pain, but you’ll be starting a lifetime of everyone elses.
If you are feeling alone, and think that suicide is the only way out:
My ask is open, and I’m always here. I’ll never judge you. I’ll try to help you.
If you are thinking of taking your life, call:
You stupid motherfuckers, don’t you dare not reblog this. Because this deserves 100K notes more than pictures of your favourite gay couple or cute cats, and yet it has 243 notes. 243 fucking notes? Fuck that. Fucking signal boost this.
I wish she had seen this.
You could save a life tonight with just one reblog
My second try… not even a minute after I gave up, my brother came in to check on me… at the time, he was only 8 years old…
This get so much better after high school. You can do this. I am here for you. Any time of the day. I will give you my cell phone number so it’s easier. I want you here. If you feel you’re alone, you’re not. I’m here with you.
I don’t always reblog these kinds of things (mainly because they’re on my dash all the time) but I really wish people would read this and take it to heart. I’d like to highlight the part where they say “don’t you dare say no one would care” because I think a lot of people read this post and think “oh that doesn’t apply to me, no one would care if I died.” You are wrong. Not only would someone care, tons of people would care. I lost an old friend because he thought no one cared. We had grown apart at the time of his death so I hadn’t talked to him in a while. I’m sure he never thought I would even think or care about his death. I think about him almost every single day. The jokes he used to tell, the places we hung out together. I think, all the time, that I should have reached out to him, I should have kept in touch. I should have let him know we were still friends. It will haunt me for the rest of my life. I’d give anything for just one day with him… and there are hundreds of other people just like me who feel the same way about him. Not to mention his family, who will never be the same.
Even if you don’t have a very supportive family, or a relationship, or you’re a loner and you don’t have many friends… people will still care. You matter. To a LOT of people. The world would never be the same if you were gone. Sounds cheesy, but it’s true. Please don’t ever, ever, EVER leave this world because “no one cares.” It’s just not true. It’s a lie your depression tells you - don’t ever believe it.
I’m here if anyone ever needs to talk.